I’m Addicted

I’m addicted to your sweet aroma

I’m addicted to the sense of peace I feel when you and I connect

I’m addicted to your taste (though it’s not the most pleasant)

I’m addicted to what I thought made me cool

Until I realized, my addiction made me look like a fool

Every time I’m in your presence and take in your sweet aroma, you give me a piercing headache

The shame I felt around others, the paranoia and racing thoughts, the fear of this shameful secret getting out

I became the face of ignorance, why would I bring myself so much pain

Because, I WAS ADDICTED

Addicted to the person you brought forth. One without any inhibitions and not afraid to speak her mind

I depended on you for the boldness within to come sprinting out but in all actuality all I needed was GOD

If anything you were hindering me. Blocking my blessings and way

Preventing me from reaching new levels within my spiritual walk

I had to divorce you…you were not helping me but hindering and hurting me

Keeping me from seeing the true Light of this world

I WAS ADDICTED

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.”   

~ Psalms‬ ‭51:10-12‬ ‭KJV‬‬


One night I sat on the couch and wrote this out. Feeling ashamed of my life at that time. Unhappy with the person I saw in the mirror but knew something had to change.

Whenever I started to feel like my life was becoming more than I could bear I always went to my safe place. A place where I knew there was love and food to devour. You may be thinking a family members’ house for dinner or some sort of restaurant. No, not at all. My food came from the House of God. My spiritual nourishment and direction. I was missing my daily bread and feedings because I had turned my back on the one person who would never leave nor forsake me, GOD!

It’s crazy because it is so true what they say about when you turn your back on God. He will give you the room and space to make your own choices and you will start to build separation between the Holy Spirit and yourself.

I was there in that space trying to figure out how I got so far off of my path. I allowed the influences of this world to seep into the cracks of my life until I was completely broken. Something had to change….

I found myself back at church. Initially because I needed the spiritual nourishment in which the Word and Message offered. But then it turned into me feeling like my mom needed the spiritual nourishment, so I went out of obligation to her and wanting her to receive the Word of God.

But then something happen…the Spirit kept speaking to me and drawing me back to Him. My heart, filled with pain and sorrow, started to RECEIVE the love only He can provide. I started to cast all of my hurt, worry, and anxiety onto Him. I began praying more, worshiping more, writing to Him more, and talking with Him more. I began trusting and believing in Him more. I became more vulnerable to Him.

I am still on this journey with Him but I can say that EVERYDAY I fall more in love with the One true love of my life and heart. He is healing me from the inside out. And for this, I’m thankful for the addiction or shall I say addictions of my life. They pushed me closer to the LOVE OF MY LIFE which enabled me to let go of the addictions and focus more on Him and His Devine plan for this life in which I am living.

To God be the Glory!

”And I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.”

~ Jeremiah‬ ‭24:7‬‬

~ Livingwithpurpose720

You ARE Enough!

About a year ago, I wrote the below poem.   Never meant to be a poem it was more of a passage based off of my observation of society and how women, in specific, are treated and how we as women sometimes conform to the societal norm or either to the desires of a man who is NOT her husband.

There are several ways in which we as women can sometimes lose sight of ourselves and our purpose however God’s Word says WE ALL (man/woman/social class) were created in His image, Genesis 1:27so why is it we as women allow ourselves to not be who God has destined us to be versus being what we THINK we should be because of society and the male species?

And this can go the other way as well because there are some men out there who conforms to what society has destined them to be versus being the MAN God has created them to be.  

When you look at a woman what do you see?
Do you see the big butt as she turns around or her voluptuous breasts as she walks slowly towards you
Do you see the slight glimmer in her eye that says he is fine or the way she bites her lip as she slowly passes you by
Do you see the way she flips her hair to take another peak as you watch her silhouette fade away
Once she is gone you think about that moment when you first saw her and think that chick was bad and she wanted me
But if u rewind time and take it back to where it started
When you look at a woman what do you see?
That big butt that she went to the Dominican Republic to buy because she hates her God given butt or do you see the breast implants in which she got because a man told her she would make money with them
Do you see the glimmer in her eyes that shows the desperate need for approval from a man
Or do you see the busted lip she is biting because a man decided to punch her in the lip for not listening and abiding to his every word
Did you notice the hair flip as she passed you by that is helping her walk with confidence so you will not detect or notice all her insecurities
Do you see as she looks back at you a woman broken by society and men who just wanted to take from her and break her
Do you see your daughter walking in these shoes one day
When you look at a woman what do you see?

Geared more towards a man looking at a woman however you can look at this from woman looking at a man perspective as well.

Unfortunately with the constant rise of reality television, technology, and social media people have lost so much of themselves that they no longer truly know who they are, what they believe and like, and WHO they should be serving.

I am not going to lie, I am a faithful viewer of SOME reality shows.  Shows like The Bachelor, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and more recently Mary Mary.  I have watched some of the other shows like Love & Hip Hop and Basketball Wives and I can tell you I truly enjoyed them UNTIL I was awakened and my blinders came off.  I gave myself to the Lord the second Sunday of January 2016 and made the commitment to truly follow Him and walk with Him.  I continued watching the shows about, maybe, 2 more weeks but every time I watched I looked at the image being portrayed by SOME of the cast members of these shows and realized this is NOT what I want to feed into my spirit.

Technology, where do I start with this, is GREAT don’t get me wrong BUT due to technology people have lost a sense of reality.  They’ve lost the concept of what it is truly meant for and that is to make the lives of people using it much easier.  But, has this convenience become an INCONVENIENCE for God?  My opinion, YES! How many people actually open God’s Word from the greatest book ever to be written? How many people can say they actually carry their Bible with them to church or bible study?  How many people actually READ the word versus listening to it being read to them.

psalm 33-4

I am huge on technology and can say I too am GUILTY of all of the above and I am not saying it is wrong at all.  However, what I am saying is reading from your tablet or phone, is not the same. And, listening to the Bible versus actually READING his Word, is not the same. For the last few nights (yes I am very new to this as well) I have been bouncing from my physical Bible and my online Bibles listening as well as reading to see which gives me the most understanding and I have found that for me personally, I can truly FEEL His Word sinking into my spirit when I am actually READING His Word versus when I am just listening to it.  So for me, and I am sure there are others, to truly get an understanding that I can reflect back into my own life I HAVE to read versus just listening.

Lastly, social media.  Such a great tool for networking, meeting up with old friends, and reconnecting with long lost family – what would we do without it 🙂. Nonetheless, there are some dark sides to social media.  Social media allows people to be something they are not, live in a world they do not live in, and idolize images and people that should NOT be idolized, Exodus 20:3-4.  Some even idolize themselves not knowing that they are doing it because they do not know, do not have a relationship with God, or is not a true believer. Some people also uses social media as a form of acceptance or assurance.  Why do you need the approval of mankind when God is waiting for you to seek His approval?

exodus-20

In theory, we all have our times when we allow distractions to come in and set our entire path off course however YOU SHOULD NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF WHO YOU ARE IN GOD! He is the ONLY judge, approver, and condemner so you do NOT have to lose who God intended you to be for the approval of man – that’s man OR woman.

~livingwithpurpose720

 

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