I’m Addicted

I’m addicted to your sweet aroma

I’m addicted to the sense of peace I feel when you and I connect

I’m addicted to your taste (though it’s not the most pleasant)

I’m addicted to what I thought made me cool

Until I realized, my addiction made me look like a fool

Every time I’m in your presence and take in your sweet aroma, you give me a piercing headache

The shame I felt around others, the paranoia and racing thoughts, the fear of this shameful secret getting out

I became the face of ignorance, why would I bring myself so much pain

Because, I WAS ADDICTED

Addicted to the person you brought forth. One without any inhibitions and not afraid to speak her mind

I depended on you for the boldness within to come sprinting out but in all actuality all I needed was GOD

If anything you were hindering me. Blocking my blessings and way

Preventing me from reaching new levels within my spiritual walk

I had to divorce you…you were not helping me but hindering and hurting me

Keeping me from seeing the true Light of this world

I WAS ADDICTED

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.”   

~ Psalms‬ ‭51:10-12‬ ‭KJV‬‬


One night I sat on the couch and wrote this out. Feeling ashamed of my life at that time. Unhappy with the person I saw in the mirror but knew something had to change.

Whenever I started to feel like my life was becoming more than I could bear I always went to my safe place. A place where I knew there was love and food to devour. You may be thinking a family members’ house for dinner or some sort of restaurant. No, not at all. My food came from the House of God. My spiritual nourishment and direction. I was missing my daily bread and feedings because I had turned my back on the one person who would never leave nor forsake me, GOD!

It’s crazy because it is so true what they say about when you turn your back on God. He will give you the room and space to make your own choices and you will start to build separation between the Holy Spirit and yourself.

I was there in that space trying to figure out how I got so far off of my path. I allowed the influences of this world to seep into the cracks of my life until I was completely broken. Something had to change….

I found myself back at church. Initially because I needed the spiritual nourishment in which the Word and Message offered. But then it turned into me feeling like my mom needed the spiritual nourishment, so I went out of obligation to her and wanting her to receive the Word of God.

But then something happen…the Spirit kept speaking to me and drawing me back to Him. My heart, filled with pain and sorrow, started to RECEIVE the love only He can provide. I started to cast all of my hurt, worry, and anxiety onto Him. I began praying more, worshiping more, writing to Him more, and talking with Him more. I began trusting and believing in Him more. I became more vulnerable to Him.

I am still on this journey with Him but I can say that EVERYDAY I fall more in love with the One true love of my life and heart. He is healing me from the inside out. And for this, I’m thankful for the addiction or shall I say addictions of my life. They pushed me closer to the LOVE OF MY LIFE which enabled me to let go of the addictions and focus more on Him and His Devine plan for this life in which I am living.

To God be the Glory!

”And I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.”

~ Jeremiah‬ ‭24:7‬‬

~ Livingwithpurpose720

Let Us Serve With HUMILITY

This post has been on my spirit since the Sunday before last and The Holy Spirit has been prompting me everyday since then with signs to get it out so here goes 🙂

On that day I went into catechism class and the lesson for that day was the washing of one another’s’ feet.  Now, weeks prior I knew that this lesson was coming up and when it was first mentioned I was a little against the idea.  I had no desire to wash someone else’s feet. That is something that I have never thought I would be comfortable doing.  So as the weeks passed prior to that specific day I consistently thought about this lesson but (I am ashamed to say) never looked it up within the Bible to learn about its significance. However, that Saturday before class I read John 13.  I studied this within the study Bible and researched foot washing to gather a better understanding.  So when I got to class that Sunday I knew the importance of this act of service but I did not know the feeling I would feel during the actual foot washing.

For those who are not familiar with John 13, see below:

Jesus Washes His Disciples’ Feet

John 13:1-17

It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

10 Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” 11 For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

John 13 pic 4

After reading this, researching, and going through the lesson with Pastor Genny I realized this is more than just washing someone’s feet.  This is a humbling experience.  An experience that would teach one to serve one another as Jesus has served and continues to serve us.

As I washed my classmate’s feet and prayed over her my heart softened (not saying it was ever hardened) towards her and her life.  I had a compassion for her as if I was caring for myself or my kiddies.  I wanted nothing but greatness for her and her family as well as future plans in life.  I wanted God to bless her all the days of her life and prayed that she has discernment when dealing with everyday life.  Then as she washed my feet and prayed over me I continued to pray for her but more intensely.  She had truly become my sister under Christ.

 

John 13 pic 2

Now some may be thinking, as I did previously, “NOPE this is something I cannot do and will not ever do” BUT do you realize Jesus was the one washing the disciples feet? Jesus washed ALL 12 disciples feet, this includes Judas, his betrayer.  Jesus was nothing but good to Judas and he turned around and betrayed Him.  Now prior to washing Judas’ feet Jesus was aware of his betrayal to come, John 13:2, yet He still washed his feet and loved him to the very end.

So what does that mean for us? Are we to go around just washing feet with no substance behind it and filled with resentment for the act, NO.  The meaning of this sacrament is to humble yourself.  Serve one another according to God’s will and with HUMILITY.  This sacrament is to cleanse ones’ spirit and love on one another.  EVEN THOSE WHO WE FEEL IS BENEATH or HAS BETRAYED US.  John 13:8 says  “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” 

So as Christians, though this sacrament is not practiced regularly within some churches, this is still a sacrament of God.  He wants us to be able to serve others and serve them with the Love of God within us.  Never feel that you are above this act or any other act of service because God judges your heart.  Cleanse your heart of the pride within because one of the things God do not like is a prideful heart.  And, how can you be a part of his kingdom with that thorn of pride sticking out?

John 13 pic 1
~Livingwithpurpose720

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