I’m addicted to your sweet aroma
I’m addicted to the sense of peace I feel when you and I connect
I’m addicted to your taste (though it’s not the most pleasant)
I’m addicted to what I thought made me cool
Until I realized, my addiction made me look like a fool
Every time I’m in your presence and take in your sweet aroma, you give me a piercing headache
The shame I felt around others, the paranoia and racing thoughts, the fear of this shameful secret getting out
I became the face of ignorance, why would I bring myself so much pain
Because, I WAS ADDICTED
Addicted to the person you brought forth. One without any inhibitions and not afraid to speak her mind
I depended on you for the boldness within to come sprinting out but in all actuality all I needed was GOD
If anything you were hindering me. Blocking my blessings and way
Preventing me from reaching new levels within my spiritual walk
I had to divorce you…you were not helping me but hindering and hurting me
Keeping me from seeing the true Light of this world
I WAS ADDICTED
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.”
~ Psalms 51:10-12 KJV
One night I sat on the couch and wrote this out. Feeling ashamed of my life at that time. Unhappy with the person I saw in the mirror but knew something had to change.
Whenever I started to feel like my life was becoming more than I could bear I always went to my safe place. A place where I knew there was love and food to devour. You may be thinking a family members’ house for dinner or some sort of restaurant. No, not at all. My food came from the House of God. My spiritual nourishment and direction. I was missing my daily bread and feedings because I had turned my back on the one person who would never leave nor forsake me, GOD!
It’s crazy because it is so true what they say about when you turn your back on God. He will give you the room and space to make your own choices and you will start to build separation between the Holy Spirit and yourself.
I was there in that space trying to figure out how I got so far off of my path. I allowed the influences of this world to seep into the cracks of my life until I was completely broken. Something had to change….
I found myself back at church. Initially because I needed the spiritual nourishment in which the Word and Message offered. But then it turned into me feeling like my mom needed the spiritual nourishment, so I went out of obligation to her and wanting her to receive the Word of God.
But then something happen…the Spirit kept speaking to me and drawing me back to Him. My heart, filled with pain and sorrow, started to RECEIVE the love only He can provide. I started to cast all of my hurt, worry, and anxiety onto Him. I began praying more, worshiping more, writing to Him more, and talking with Him more. I began trusting and believing in Him more. I became more vulnerable to Him.
I am still on this journey with Him but I can say that EVERYDAY I fall more in love with the One true love of my life and heart. He is healing me from the inside out. And for this, I’m thankful for the addiction or shall I say addictions of my life. They pushed me closer to the LOVE OF MY LIFE which enabled me to let go of the addictions and focus more on Him and His Devine plan for this life in which I am living.
To God be the Glory!
”And I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.”
~ Jeremiah 24:7
~ Livingwithpurpose720







